WE are FAMILY

I have sat and pondered all week whether or not to write this blog. It is a tender subject, not only for myself, but for many out there. Falling in love the second time around. Blending a family, or attempting to. How does God really feel about divorce and remarriage and does He continue to bless the blended family and so forth.  The last two years of my life have been hard. I would be lying if I said I haven't tried to get out many, many times. To run would be a more appropriate word. I have lost myself. I have looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the woman in the reflection. The girl that was once an encourager to everyone, started hiding behind others so not to be noticed. This blog is not to put blame on anyone, so please don't take it that way or start lighting your fires to go out ready to hunt someone down. It would do you no good, unless you are, of course, hunting ME. Only a person within themselves can be allowed to lose themselves in the process of a relationship, regardless of how much the outside world looking in wants to judge or think they know what is best. That saying will always be true. Do not judge me or say anything until you walk a mile in my shoes. 

BUT, not to worry my friends, I am pretty sure this tale of mine will end very well, and as Jeremy Camp sang, 

"I still believe in Your faithfulness.
 I still believe in Your truth. 
 I still believe in Your holy Word. 
 Even when I don't see, I still believe."

You see, once upon a time, I believed whole heartedly in God's promises. I not only believed them, I cherished them and longed for the day that they were manifested and made true in my life. In the last few years, I have gotten angry at my God. I have spewed hate and felt as though He had turned His back on me as I've mentioned in previous blogs. But now that I am moving in a week. (Oh by the way, I'm taking my kids and moving back to Texas and closer to my mom, sister and to the kids' dad) so yes, now that I am within a week from moving back to familiar ground with just my kids and close to family, I finally feel my spirit returning to me. My heart is opening and dare I say, I'm excited? Don't get me wrong, this decision did not come easy. I have sought professional help from my therapist, from my doctor, from family and from pastoral leadership. I've taken a hard look at myself. Then, of course, at my kids. My kids. They haven't had real fun in so long. They stay depressed because I'M depressed. My daughter will tell me she misses the "old" me. The "fun" me. Boy, was that a kick in the rear. So, as I sought all of this help, I realized, from my Christian (and very wise counselor), that at times like this, God is okay with me choosing my KIDS. He prayed with me and helped me put things in perspective and as soon as I did this, I kid you not, blessings started pouring like RAIN! I was financially blessed, we started looking for a place close to my mom and the kids' dad that was big enough for all four of us and one landed in my lap! THEN, we were able to move in ASAP. I've never had anything like this happen in my whole life! 

So, I may not always see God at work and sometimes, just like the sinner that I am and always will be, I question where He is at times. But He always, ALWAYS, comes through when you call out to Him. Especially when you feel stuck and alone and you seek counsel. If it's the right counsel, they will always lead you to the right place and right One. I covet your prayers in my journey. Well, OUR journey. Mine, Ross, Reese and Reid's. My kids STILL love me through all that I have done. I love them SO very much and can't wait to have a place of our own to be happy and goofy and all the weirdness that makes up the Vest bunch. WE are FAMILY.